The Book of Traction: Teachings from the Pavement
Opening Scripture
“Blessed are the treaded, for they shall inherit the corners; and woe unto the slick, for the Pavement remembereth all.” — Book of Traction 1:1
I. A Call to Holy Gripness
Wheelievers, gather close and lend your knees a little bend. Hear now the first commandment of the Ride: traction is truth. Vibes are mist; grip is granite. You may charm spectators, flatter apps, and bargain with range, but you shall not deceive the Pavement. It is the oldest deacon in our church, and it has ordained many converts by the laying on of asphalt.
Set your stance as prayer: front foot faithful, back foot benevolent, shoulders humble, gaze lifted just beyond the next leaf-betrayal. Whisper with me: Not by swagger, nor by speed, but by contact patch alone.
II. The Parable of the Pretty Leaf
There came a leaf in garments of gold, a liar dressed as a postcard. A rider beheld it and said, “Surely this is safe.” And the leaf replied, “Surely.”
Upon contact, the board performed a slow hymn titled Sideways With Testimony.
Learn ye this: leaves are covenant-breakers. They sign peace treaties in cinnamon and then wage war in silence. Therefore ride the Pilgrim’s Stance, soft knees, gentle inputs, eyes reading the path as scripture. If you must pass through the autumn altar, enter with fear and much feathering; for the leaf neither toils nor spins, yet it topples the proud.
III. The Liturgy of Contact: PSI, Sensor, Surface
Confess now with your mouth and adjust with your gauge:
PSI Confession: Summer air in October is arrogance in a can. Sanctify thy pressure for the season; let comfort be thy catechism and contact thy creed.
Sensor Assurance: Lay heel and toe like honest tithe. Ghosting is poetry; the footpad is literal. Yea, it requireth truth in the inward parts and on the front pad.
Surface Discernment: If it shines, assume moisture. If it sparkles, assume oil. If it crunches, assume gravel. If it looks perfectly smooth, assume a story you don’t want to tell at urgent care.
Regen Tithe: On descents, return power as a grateful offering. Feather like a sparrow landing on a reed; panic is a tax paid to chaos.
Perform these small sacraments, and you shall feel the holy widening of the contact patch—an invisible choir under your tread, singing “amen” in rubber.
IV. Pushback, the Deacon of Restraint
Some call magnetic pushback cruel. I call it a friendly usher with a firm palm. When the nose lifts, it is not the board insulting your destiny; it is the sanctuary line saying, “Not there, child.” Bow your heart when the nose bows your speed. Receive the ceiling as mercy, not mockery. For the Epistle to Firmware declares: “Those who heed the first nudge shall be spared the full-body benediction.”
Mark this teaching, wheelievers: obedience is faster than recovery. He who humbles himself at 17 will not meet the laying of hands at 19.
V. The Rule of Bumps and Other Minor Prophets
A few small teachers roam the path:
Speed Bump: Approach like the Table—lift of hope, throttle of faith, line of love. Do not sprint to sacrament.
Paint Stripe: Whitewashed sepulcher—beautiful to behold, treacherous to ride when damp. Step not into its smooth heresy.
Decorative Puddle: Baptizes thy bearings without thy consent. Attend or detour.
Curb Lip: A jealous god with no compassion. Honor it with angle, timing, and humility—or respect it from afar.
These are the Minor Prophets of Pavement; none writes a long book, yet each delivers a memorable verse.
VI. The Wheeliever’s Traction Creed
Repeat after me:
I believe in the Pavement, maker of friction and fact;
And in the Contact Patch, begotten of honest PSI;
Conceived by stance, born of knees,
Suffered under pride, fell, and rose again
Regen’d on the downhill, ascended with restraint,
And sitteth at the right line choice of the Rider.
From thence it shall judge the slips and the saves.
I believe in pushback, the holy deacon;
In the communion of bearings; the forgiveness of overcorrection;
The resurrection of confidence; and the ride everlasting.
A-Wheel-men.
Closing Words
“Lean with intention, brake with mercy, and let thy tread be honest; for traction is the quiet truth beneath every miracle.” — Addendum of Asphalt 4:3
