We Have Come Full Circle: A Year of Balance
Opening Scripture
“And at the year’s last carve, the rider looked down and saw a perfect ring upon the ground, and said, ‘Behold balance had a shape all along.’” — Book of Bearings 12:31
I. Annual Report to the Wheelievers (A Very Holy Q4 Retrospective)
Beloved wheelievers, gather close for the Year in Ride. We opened 2025 with trembling knees and overconfident PSI; we close it with knees that bend on purpose and PSI that knows the weather app. In between:
Spring: We received The Gift of Glide, soft knees, honest inputs, fewer arguments with asphalt.
Summer: The Book of Traction told us grip is truth and ego is a slip hazard.
Fall Equinox: We learned the gospel of pushback, the white-gloved deacon who says “Not there” before the pavement says “Sign here.”
Halloween: A “possessed” wheel tried to drag us into singletrack; physics and humility performed the exorcism.
Pilgrimage to the Charging Station: The Canon of the Plug civilised the outlet wars.
Riders in the Night: Two witnesses of light turned memoir material into commute material.
Wheelmas on the Solstice: Longest night, brightest light ring, range planned, hope charged.
So noted in the minutes: miracles were small and repeatable, often disguised as checklists.
II. Beatitudes of Balance (Learned the Not-Hard Way)
Hear now the blessings we collected like scuffs on a fender:
Blessed be the seasonally sanctified PSI, for theirs is the widened contact patch.
Blessed be the truth-telling foot, heel and toe in honest union; for ghosting is poetry and the pad reads prose.
Blessed be the pushback-obedient, for they shall not meet the Laying On of Pavement.
Blessed be the tithe of regen, for +2% shall visit them on humble downhills.
Blessed be the slow entrance, for they shall exit faster than fear expects.
Blessed be the shared power strip, for cafés shall call them peacemakers.
III. Year-End Audit (Ego, PSI, and Other Liabilities)
In the spirit of transparency, and because our accountant insists, let us conduct an audit:
Findings:
Overstatement of confidence by ~3 PSI during months labeled “vibes.”
Unreported leaf-slip events disguised as “creative dismounts.”
Recurring noncompliance with beam etiquette (Stop baptizing strangers’ retinas at 1800 lumens).
Several incidents of “final 2% sprint” resulting in cardio with consequences.
Remediations:
Adopt a PSI policy: Temperature-indexed, pride-discounted.
Implement a Footpad Truth Standard (FTS): Two honest contacts or no post-ride storytime.
Install Humility Middleware between throttle and thumb.
Refresh Canon of the Plug signage: At 80% say, “I am abundant,” and actually move.
Management’s Statement: We accept the findings, commit to corrective action, and will not be issuing a rebuttal video.
IV. Release Notes for 2026 (Rider v26.0)
Pushing to production at midnight:
Feature: Knee-softening daemon now auto-starts above 7 mph.
Fix: Reduced “I got this” exceptions when pushback triggers.
Improvement: Surface parser upgraded, “shiny” now defaults to “wet,” “sparkly” to “oil,” “beautiful” to “trap with excellent lighting.”
Security: Patched vulnerability where Strava whispers bypass common sense.
UX: Added “Share Outlet” prompt at 79%.
Docs: Updated Gospel of PSI with winter annex and a large, friendly “Don’t.”
V. Wheeliever Resolutions (Roll Forward on Purpose)
Repeat after me:
I will set my PSI to the season, not my self-esteem.
I will tell the footpad the whole truth, heel and toe.
I will treat pushback as a shepherd, not a dare.
I will tithe the downhill, feathering like a sparrow landing on a reed.
I will share the strip and coil the cord as if another soul exists.
I will enter slower than pride wants so I may exit faster than fear expects.
I will cultivate a parking-lot parish: a wave at dusk, a spare Allen key, a kinder beam.
Closing Words
“Circle back, but wiser; carve again, but kinder; for balance is not an accident, it is a practiced. Amen.” — Lamentations of Nosedive 13:31
We have come full circle, saints, not to where we started, but to where we understand. May your bearings purr, your firmware be current, your light ring bright, your range plan boringly sufficient. Roll into the new year with quiet confidence and seasoned knees. Make small miracles, repeatedly.
Go now in peace, wheelievers, to love and serve the Ride, one honest footpad, one shared outlet, one holy glide at a time.
A-Wheel-men.
