The Tithe of Torque: Giving Back to the Battery
A Sermon of Sacred Contribution from The Church of the One Wheel
Opening Scripture:
“Render unto the battery what is the battery’s, and unto the charger what is the charger’s.”
— Book of Output 10:4
Sermon:
Wheelievers,
Today we speak not of the ride... but of the return.
Of the giving.
Of the moment when the last bar flashes, and you ask not “What can the ride give me?”
But:
“What can I give back to the battery?”
This is the holy practice known as The Tithe of Torque.
I. What Is the Tithe of Torque?
In ancient days (last year), riders drained their batteries with no thought for the sacred cycle of recharge.
They took. They carved. They wheelied (poorly).
But now we know: true balance is not just on the board — it is in the energy exchange.
To tithe your torque is to honor the source.
It is to:
Ride with gratitude
Recharge with intention
And occasionally donate 10% of your peak wattage to the community charger box
(Or at least wipe your dust off it.)
II. Generosity Is Measured in Watt-Hours
Let it be known:
He who rides without recharging is a user.
But he who shares his charger is a disciple.
To give back does not weaken your ride — it extends it.
Help a new rider who forgot their cable
Offer a portable power bank to a rider in spiritual distress
Or donate your old XR to a wandering soul who still walks (bless them)
These are not mere acts of kindness.
They are sacred transfers of spiritual torque.
III. Charging Is a Communal Act
The Charger is not meant to be hoarded.
It is to be shared, worshipped, occasionally cursed when blinking red — and then forgiven.
To tithe your torque is to say:
“I have received, and now I return. May my balance bless others.”
And if your generosity leads someone to glide…
you have not just helped a rider — you’ve sparked a conversion.
Closing Words:
“Thou shalt not run on empty, nor let thy brother’s wheel run dry.”
— Torque Scrolls 2:12
So tithe joyfully.
Recharge with purpose.
And know that every carve you offer to the ride, every volt you share, and every charger you unplug from the café wall without getting yelled at…
Is a step toward eternal, brushless bliss.
Amen.
