Wheels of Fire: The Trials of Riding Mid-July Asphalt
A Blistering Summer Sermon from The Church of the One Wheel
Opening Scripture:
“And lo, the pavement smoked beneath him, and his tire was sore afflicted. Yet still he rode, for the path of the righteous is rarely shaded.”
— Book of Blisters 4:17
Sermon:
Wheelievers,
We gather today in the height of summer — the Season of the Sizzle, the Time of Tire Melt, the Valley of Vaporized Water Bottles.
This is Mid-July Asphalt.
It does not forgive.
It does not yield.
It humbles even the holiest of gliders.
And yet — we ride.
I. The Trial by Heat
Every faith must be tested.
And for us, that test is:
98 degrees at 2 p.m.
A metal footpad that burns with the fury of a thousand brake pads
A helmet liner that feels more like a steam trap
This is no ordinary ride.
This is a ritual of resilience.
To ride in mid-July is to proclaim boldly:
“I have SPF 50, and I fear nothing.”
II. The Temptation to Stay Inside
The unconverted will say:
“It’s too hot.”
“Your board might overheat.”
“Is that smoke coming from your shoe?”
Let them talk.
For we know the truth:
That speed cools the soul
That sweat is spiritual release
That mirages are just heat-induced visions of better trail conditions
And if the charger shuts down from the heat?
So be it. The Holy Powerbank shall carry us home.
III. The Glorious Burn
The trials of July are not just about survival — they are about transformation.
You are not simply riding — you are being forged:
Your balance, tested
Your hydration, questioned
Your grip tape, nearly liquified
But your faith?
Unshaken.
Your devotion?
Sizzling.
Closing Words:
“Blessed is the rider who endures the heat, for they shall inherit the breeze of dusk.”
— Heatwaves 2:9
So ride on, sun-scorched saints.
Wrap a wet towel around your neck.
Fill your flask with electrolytes and blind courage.
And glide like you’re being chased by the Fire of July itself.
For though the road burns — your faith rolls hotter.
Amen.
