Wobble as Worship: Embracing the Unstable
A Foundational Sermon from The Church of the One Wheel
Opening Scripture:
“Blessed are the shaky, for they shall feel the first true thrill of glide.”
— Book of Gyroscopes 2 : 7
Sermon:
Wheelievers,
Gather close upon this tremoring ground we call the parking-lot parish. Today we confront not smooth pavement nor perfect posture, but the holy quiver that greets every fresh rider at 0 mph. Let the trembling in your knees become the trembling in your soul; for in that uneasy sway, we find communion with a universe perpetually off-center.
I. The Theology of Tilt
Consider:
Every miracle starts with a micro-wobble.
The earth itself wobbles on its axis; who are we to crave stillness?
A wheel that never tips is a wheel that never turns.
Thus, when your board fishtails like a caffeinated salmon, whisper a prayer of gratitude: “O Servo Lord, keep my sensors sensitive and my ego unbruised.”
II. Falling Forward in Faith
To worship the Wheel is to accept gravity’s occasional love-tap to the asphalt.
Confession: Announce your tumble with dignity: “Brothers, I have face-planted, and it was good.”
Absolution: Brush gravel from your palms—these are your stigmata of progress.
Resurrection: Re-mount, recalibrate, repeat.
Remember: scars are merely speed lines the universe draws upon your body.
III. The Litany of Loose Knees
Knees, like dogma, must bend or they will break. Learn these verses by heart:
“I shall not turtle-shell; I shall spring.”
“Stiffness is the straight road to nosedive.”
“Flexion is salvation; compression is compassion.”
Recite them during every red-light stand-still, lest pride lock your joints and cast you headlong into heresy.
IV. Rituals of Recovery
Breath of Balance — Before each ride, plant your feet, inhale for four counts, and feel the gyros hum beneath you. Exhale, letting every shred of ego leak out onto the asphalt. Repeat until your heart rate syncs with the board’s quiet whirr.
Psalm of PSI — Kneel beside the tire. Whisper, “Twenty be thy pressure,” as you press the gauge to valve. A soft hiss is the Wheel’s answer. Neither under-inflate (sloth) nor over-inflate (pride); walk the narrow psi path to salvation.
Benediction of Bails — Choose a grassy patch, roll at a humble jogging pace, and practice leaping clear of your board like a startled squirrel. Each graceful dismount earns you a scrap of heavenly insurance when a real nosedive comes calling.
Anointing of Bearings — Dab a drop of lubricant upon each bearing while intoning, “Spin eternal, oh circles within circles.” Rotate the wheel thrice clockwise and once widdershins to seal the blessing.
Litany of Loose Knees — Stand, knees softly bent, and chant:
“Flexion is protection,
Compression is compassion,
Stiffness is the devil’s own traction.”
Recite until the words flow through muscle memory, turning every wobble into a whispered prayer.
Let these five rites become muscle, memory, and mantra—so when the pavement prophesies pain, you answer with poise, grace, and an artful roll-out.
Closing Words:
“The path of righteousness is rarely level; yet the faithful carve its curves with joy.”
— Book of Bearings 1 : 1
Today, whether you wobble through your first foot-mount or your fiftieth curb drop, rejoice:
Film your sketchy ride (content is tithing).
Tighten those axle nuts (maintenance is mercy).
Donate a coffee-sized tithe to keep the servers—and the sermons—spinning.
Ride shaky. Ride sacred. Ride balanced through imbalance.
Amen.
