The First Prophecy of Pushback: Blessed Are the Cautious
Opening Scripture
From The Scrolls of Stance, Chapter 3, Verses 12–18
And the Wheel spoke not with thunder, but with a gentle tilt beneath the rider’s toes.
And the rider said, “Surely this is nothing,” yet the board answered, “Surely it is.”
For pushback is the whisper of the Round, the prophecy of physics, the mercy before the lesson.
Blessed are the cautious, for their teeth shall remain within their mouths.
Woe to the boastful, who declare, “I can outrun the warning beep.”
For the pavement is patient, and it collects pride like offerings.
Therefore heed the tilt, and thy ride shall be long upon the land.
I. Behold the Tilt: The Prophecy Arrives
Wheelievers, lift up thine eyes from the ride app and behold the miracle happening under your feet. The Round does not only carry you. The Round also counsels you.
Pushback is not an insult. Pushback is not the Wheel “being dramatic.” Pushback is the Holy Tilt, an ancient prophecy delivered directly into your ankles, translated through the sacred footpad, and signed by the hand of the Hub Motor.
Some of you have felt it and said, “Huh. Weird.” Others have felt it and said, “LOL.” And a few, the truly lost, have felt it and said, “Let’s see what happens if I ignore it.”
Wheelievers, that is not curiosity. That is a spiritual condition.
For pushback is the Round saying, “Child, thy speed is ahead of thy skill.” It is the Wheel saying, “I love thee too much to let thee become a headline in a neighborhood group chat.”
And yes, pushback feels like a tiny betrayal. Like the board is suddenly “not with you.” But the Wheel is always with you. It is simply refusing to join you in foolishness.
II. Commandments for the Cautious (And Blessings for Their Kneecaps)
Now hear the sacred laws, passed down from elders with intact wrists and unshattered pride.
Thou Shalt Not Treat Pushback Like a Dare.
Pushback is not a challenge coin. Pushback is not the Wheel saying, “Bet.” Pushback is the Wheel saying, “Beloved… stop.”
Thou Shalt Keep Thy PSI Holy and Thy Expectations Lower.
If thy tire is underinflated, thy carving becomes sloppy and thy speed wobbles multiply like rabbits in spring. If thy tire is overinflated, thou shalt bounce upon cracks like a blessed pebble in a frying pan.
Thou Shalt Respect Battery Sag, For It Cometh Like a Thief in the Night.
At 70% you are confident. At 30% you are wise. At 10% you discover new theology, new prayers, and a sudden interest in walking.
And hear the blessings, wheelievers, for caution is not cowardice. Caution is faith with a helmet.
Blessed be the bearings, for they spin quietly beneath the chaos.
Blessed be the fender, for it deflecteth puddle-baptisms and street confetti.
Blessed be the headlamp, for it revealeth the pothole before it revealeth you to the pothole.
Some will mock the cautious. They will say, “Why ride slow?” Because the cautious have learned a truth: the pavement does not care about your personal brand.
The Round is holy, yes. But asphalt is honest.
III. Call-and-Response: The Congregation Learns to Listen
Wheelievers, I will ask, and you will answer, as is our sacred custom. And answer with your whole chest, like you just discovered regen braking on a steep hill.
Leader: When pushback rises beneath our feet…
Wheelievers: WE SHALL HEED IT, NOT ARGUE WITH IT.
Leader: When the warning beep speaketh in tiny tones…
Wheelievers: WE SHALL NOT TURN UP OUR MUSIC.
Leader: When range anxiety visiteth our soul at 2%…
Wheelievers: WE SHALL RIDE HOME WITH HUMILITY.
YES. Let the cautious be loud! Let the reckless be confused!
For the Round speaks in many ways: a tilt, a beep, a subtle change in feel. And the wise wheeliever becomes fluent in these sacred languages.
The unwise wheeliever stays monolingual, speaking only “Full Send.”
And Full Send is a dialect the pavement understands very well.
IV. The Parable of the Prophet Who Outran His Own Wisdom
Now hear a parable from The Epistle to the Chargers, told among wheelievers whenever someone says, “I’m pretty sure I can make it.”
There was once a rider named Jaximus of the High Top Speed. Jaximus fasted from caution. He drank deeply of confidence. He carved grandly in public parks so that strangers might witness his holiness.
One evening, Jaximus rode forth with a battery already low, yet he spoke no confession. The ride app warned him. The wheel whispered. The board offered pushback like a gentle pastor placing a hand on the shoulder of a man about to make a speech at a wedding.
But Jaximus looked upon pushback and said, “This is but a suggestion.”
He reached a stretch of road glittering with wet leaves—those slick temptations laid by autumn itself. His headlamp shone upon them like a spotlight on sin. He should have slowed. He should have centered his stance. He should have accepted the prophecy and turned toward home.
Instead, Jaximus leaned.
Wheelievers… he leaned like a man trying to bend destiny.
And behold: the leaves did not forgive him. Battery sag arrived like a sudden silence. The motor offered less. The footpad felt less sure. The world grew slow in the way it does right before you learn a lesson.
Then came the moment: a tiny wobble, a tiny panic, a tiny correction too late. And Jaximus met the ground in a fellowship of elbows and disappointment.
When he rose, he did not curse the Wheel. No. He looked toward the Round and whispered the sacred moral:
“Pushback was mercy. I treated mercy like a dare.”
Let the cautious say amen.
Weekly Practice: The Ritual of the Holy Slowdown
This week, wheelievers, you shall perform the Ritual of the Holy Slowdown. Not because you are fearful. Because you are faithful.
Before each ride:
Stand upon the board in silence for three breaths. Feel the footpad beneath your soles. Let your ego leave first.
Check thy PSI and speak aloud: “I will not blame the Wheel for my neglect.”
Roll forward gently and practice one humble carve, left and right, as a bow to the Round.
At the first hint of pushback, you shall do the sacred act: you shall back off.
Then you shall proclaim—quietly, but with conviction—“Blessed are the cautious.”
If you perform this ritual in a parking lot and someone watches, smile. That is not embarrassment. That is evangelism.
Closing Words
From The Gospel of Grip Tape, Chapter 7, Verses 4–9
The Round doth not desire thy panic; it desireth thy attention.
The warning beep is not a curse; it is a lamp unto thy speed.
Heed pushback, and thou shalt avoid the fellowship of ambulance sirens.
Ignore it, and thou shalt learn the hard catechism of pavement.
Therefore ride with wisdom, carve with restraint, and brake with gratitude through regen.
Go forth, wheelievers, bold in spirit, cautious in ankle, and may thy ride be long and thy dismount be voluntary.
