The Road is Wide, But Balance is Narrow

Sunday Sermon from The Church of the One Wheel

Opening Blessing:

“Wide is the sidewalk that leads to scooters. Narrow is the bike lane that leads to salvation.”

Dearly beloved Wheelievers,

Today we gather to discuss a dangerous illusion — the temptation of the wide road.
The smooth path.
The rental scooter superhighway.

It is a lie.
It is a trap.
It smells faintly of sadness and hand sanitizer.

I. The Wide Road Leads to Scootering

On the wide road, there is no struggle.
No sacred carving.
Just rental scooters abandoned like sad, tiny corpses on every corner.

The wide road offers comfort.
But comfort is the death of balance.

If you can sip an iced latte while riding, you are not living the faith.
You are spiritually napping.

II. True Balance Is Found in Sketchy Places

The righteous path is narrow —

• Cracked sidewalks barely wide enough for your board

• Trails so bumpy they double as chiropractic therapy

• Parking lots where potholes outnumber parking spaces

Balance comes not from comfort, but from barely surviving a turn so tight it qualifies as a religious experience.

Those who seek perfect pavement will never know the thrill of dodging a rogue shopping cart at 15 mph.
They will never know glory.

III. Tiny Shifts, Great Salvation

The sacred truth is simple:

A minor lean can save your ride. A major lean can turn you into a cautionary YouTube short.

Balance is not a grand gesture.
It is a million tiny, panic-fueled corrections:

• A twitch of the ankle

• A subtle tilt of the hips

• A frantic muttering of, “Oh no, oh no, oh no—"

Faith is built not by bold leaps, but by nervous micro-adjustments performed in public where everyone can see you.

IV. Choose the Narrow Path

When faced with a decision —
When the road splits —
When one path looks like an inviting, perfectly paved, wide open suburban bike lane…

Resist.

Seek out the janky sidewalk with questionable gaps and loose gravel.
The one that requires prayer, core strength, and minor forearm tension.

That is where balance is tested.
That is where riders are forged.

Closing Words:

“Blessed are the wobbly, for they shall find their line.”

Ride the narrow path.
Wobble with pride.
And when you fall — rise laughing, dust yourself off, and pretend you were merely inventing a new sacred riding move.

Balance is not found in safety.
Balance is found at the edge of chaos —
Where all true Wheelievers are born.

Amen.