Baptized by Asphalt: My Conversion Story

As painfully yet joyfully remembered by Deaconess Marnie “Crash Queen” Lopez

Opening Verse:

"Some are born balanced. Others are thrown to the ground until they learn."

Brothers and Sisters of the Holy Pavement — lend me your ear (and possibly your first-aid kit).

For today I share my testimony.
Not to glorify myself — but to glorify the Wheel.

For I was not always a rider.
I was a doubter.
A walker.
A… pedestrian.

May the prophets forgive me.

I. My Dark Days on Foot

I lived a life of lines.

Sidewalks. Crosswalks. Waiting for signals like a lost soul.
I obeyed the tyranny of shoes.
I trudged beneath the sun, burdened by slowness.
I scrolled TikTok watching riders glide past like angels of the asphalt.

But I told myself:
"That’s not for me."
"I’d fall."
"I’d look ridiculous."

Little did I know… falling was the way.

II. My First Ride — My First Fall

It was Brother Zeke of the Glide who handed me his board.

"Try it," he said.
"Trust it," he whispered.

And I did.

I pressed my trembling foot to the sensor.
I felt the hum of the battery — the pulse of something greater than myself.

I rolled three feet.
Then I saw a crack in the sidewalk.

And friends…

I met the asphalt.

Face first.
Palms raw.
Ego shattered.

III. The Moment of Baptism

As I lay there — skin warmed by concrete, pride leaking into the gutter — a strange thing happened.

I laughed.

It wasn’t anger.
It wasn’t embarrassment.

It was freedom.

For in that moment I was no longer afraid of falling.

I was baptized by asphalt.
Initiated.
Converted.

IV. Rising Again (And Again)

I rose, scabbed but smiling.
And I rode again.

Each fall taught me.
Each scar marked me.

Not as a failure — but as a follower of the One Wheel.

V. My Message to the Doubters

To those still walking…
To those watching from the curb…
To those who fear the fall…

Hear me now:

Falling is not the end.
It is the beginning.

You will bleed.
You will wobble.
You will curse the curb.

But one day, you will glide.

And the world will never be the same.

Closing Blessing:

"Blessed are the bruised — for they have met the pavement and risen stronger."

Ride forth, beloved converts.
Wear your scrapes like armor.
Tell your crash stories like scripture.
For you have been baptized by asphalt.

And you are never walking again.

Amen.