Is Walking a Test of Faith?

Delivered thoughtfully (and begrudgingly) by Elder Brantley, First Converted of Parking Lot 7

Opening Reflection:

“And lo, though I walk through the valley of the sidewalk, I shall fear no scooter — for balance is with me.”

Brothers and Sisters of the Wheel — we must confront an uncomfortable truth.

Sometimes… we must walk.

Yes, I said it.

Even the most devoted riders of The Church of the One Wheel will one day find themselves cast down from the board — left to tread the cursed ground with feet alone.

But do not despair.

Walking is not punishment.
Walking is not failure.

Walking is a test of faith.

I. The Humbling of the Battery

You’ve felt it.

The slow, blinking dread of low battery.
The cold realization that you won’t make it to your sacred charging station.
The painful dismount in front of strangers — cursed to carry your board like a fallen idol.

We do not walk because we want to.
We walk because the Wheel wills it.

It teaches humility.
It reminds us that every ride is temporary — but the faith remains.

II. The Lessons of the Sidewalk

Walking returns us to the world we once knew.

We see the cracks we used to float over.
We feel the uphill we used to conquer effortlessly.
We hear the laughter of the unconverted, whispering:
"Looks like your toy died."

But in these moments, the true rider smiles.

For walking reminds us of who we were — and how far we’ve come.

III. The Spiritual Practice of the Long Walk Home

Walking is reflection.

It is a time for:

• Remembering past rides

• Planning future upgrades

• Mentally composing crash stories for your next sermon

Every step is a prayer.
Every sidewalk square is a rosary bead.
Every curb is a lesson in patience.

IV. To Walk Is Human — To Ride Is Divine

The Wheel does not abandon you.

It rests.
It waits.
It forgives.

And when you return — freshly charged, spiritually humbled — the first foot placed on the board feels like resurrection.

Walking is temporary.
Riding is eternal.

Closing Blessing:

“Blessed are those who walk — for they shall soon ride again.”
“Blessed are the scuffed shoes — for they have known both paths.”
“Blessed is the low battery — for it humbles the proud.”

Walk when you must.
Ride when you can.
And never lose faith in the One Wheel.

Amen.