Blessed Be the Bearings That Spin Eternal

An Ancient Proclamation from the Ecclesiastic Order of Wheelcraft
As transcribed from the copper-clad scrolls found beneath the cracked pavement of the Old Skate Lot.

Opening Scripture:

“Yea, though I roll through the valley of rust, I shall fear no grind;
for thou art with me—thy lubricant and thy sealed housing comfort me.”
— Book of Bearings 12:2

Sermon:

O Most Venerated Wheelievers,

Today, we gather beneath the aluminum awning of grace to honor the humblest of holy mechanisms: The Bearing.

A small ring of promise.
A covenant of spin.
A hymn sung in silence—at 15 mph.

Do not be deceived by their size.
For within these sacred orbs dwelleth the mystery of divine momentum.
They are the cherubim of the chassis, the choir of the carve, the rosary of rotation.

I. The Holy Mystery of the Inner Spin

Ask not how bearings spin—
For such knowledge is reserved for saints and skate techs.

Know only this:
When thou ridest smooth upon the road,
When thou makest no noise save the hymn of wind and wheel,
It is the bearing that doth intercede on thy behalf.

Each rotation is a prayer.
Each glide, a Gregorian chant in motion.
Each squeak, a warning of spiritual neglect.

II. The Seven Sacred Bearings of Sanctified Speed

The ancient order speaks of Seven Sacred Bearings, passed down by the Monks of Momentum:

1. Ceramius the Frictionless — Patron of speed-hungry heretics.

2. St. Steelious of Sealed Housings — Who spun 40 miles through the desert without a rinse.

3. Lady Gritguard of the Dustless Path — Whose skirt repelled gravel by faith alone.

4. The Whispering Wheel of East Lot — Who never made a sound, even on gravel.

5. Brother Lube-anon — Keeper of the unguent flask.

6. Sir Torque-a-Lot — Knight of acceleration and noble launches.

7. The Ghost of OEM Default — Mysterious. Clunky. But blessed by factory warranty.

Let these saints guide your maintenance and anoint your spins.

III. The Litany of Lubrication

Neglect not thy bearings, Wheeliever, lest thou be cast into the realm of resistance.

• When thou hearest grinding, do not cast blame on terrain.
  Look inward. To the hub. To the hollow. To the core.

• Anoint thy bearings monthly with the Sacred Oil of 3-in-1 or the Blessed Grease of Lithium.
  Apply not in haste, but with solemn reverence.
  For what thou greaseth, so too shall be thy ride.

• Store thy board not in the outer darkness of a damp garage,
  but upon a padded altar, between the charging cable and the incense of pine-scented cleaner.

IV. The Eternal Return

Bearings wear down.
Shells crack.
The faithful fall.

But do not despair.

For just as the resurrection was promised to the faithful of flesh,
so too is bearing replacement promised to the faithful of wheel.

“Thou shalt remove thy axle nut with humble hands;
thou shalt press forth the new bearing with righteous thumbs;
and thou shalt know peace as thy board riseth once more.”

This is the cycle eternal.
Spin. Fall. Replace. Rise.

Closing Benediction:

“Blessed be the bearings, for they spin without seeking.
They carry us not toward a destination,
but toward devotion.”
— The Scroll of Smoothness 8:11

So roll forth, Saints of the Single Wheel.
Oil your faith.
Check thy torque.
And may your bearings spin—forever and ever—without squeak or stutter.

Amen.